Imagine the following scenario: Two women meet and have a conversation about their children. One is the mother of a girl, and the other, of a boy.
‘My daughter is doing well, she has an extraordinary boyfriend, they love each other very much, he brings her coffee in bed every morning’ says the first one.
‘My son was not so lucky, he found a lazy girlfriend, who does not do anything; even though he also has a job, he has to bring her the coffee in bed’, says the second mother.
Same story, two different perspectives on a couple. Maybe you witnessed such a conversation, or something running along the same lines.
Unfortunately, this is not an isolated case. The perspective of a woman who has a son, many times, is often one that puzzles us. Although the mother has not necessarily been treated well by her husband, when it is her turn to educate her child, when it is her turn to take a stand towards the woman her son loves, she does not do anything but throw mud.
This unsupportive mechanism, of sabotage from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law is encountered in other areas of life as well.
Lately, I have seen many comments on social media related to women’s rights, feminism, misogyny, the traditional society we live in and many other similar matters. I can relate to many of these, and I myself am for finding balance and a world with equal opportunities.
Moreover, I am involved in activities that support the personal and professional development of women, creating premises so that more women can have leadership positions, depending on their experience and skills. At the same time, I face situations where, in fact, women are the ones who discriminate other women. Over the years, I had clear specifications from some clients to send to courses (management, leadership, communication, change management, for example) a male facilitator. Why? Because this is what the – often largely female – audience appreciates: a man. Could this be a form of erotization of the process? On the other hand, in my 22 years of experience, a man has never asked me for a specifically male or female trainer/facilitator/coach.
It should be noted here that I have seen discrimination from women towards other women in other countries, as well. I experienced a dose of malice, bitterness, as if there was not enough space under the sun for everything and everybody. And this drives me to a bitter conclusion: women do not support each other. In a way, I think this shows that, when treating other women badly, a woman despises her own species; moreover, she devalues herself as a person. I sometimes wonder: If we had a magical power and we could swap places with the discriminated person, would we like to be treated that way?
I have also seen on social media a comparison between women and dominoes: ‘If this woman falls, all will fall’. I think we should look at the way we treat each other. Going back to the example with the mother and daughter in-law, it is understandable up to a point that we tend to project the models that we see in our family. But to evolve also means to become aware of the patterns that we have developed, to question and to replace them, if they are not appropriate, with more constructive behaviours.
