I often hear around me that people are tired, that they can’t do it anymore, that they don’t feel like it, that maybe they have aged, that it’s not like it used to be. It’s a kind of fatigue mixed with boredom, with the satiety of everything and everyone. A kind of attempt to run away from your own life, as if you came out of a movie you don’t like anymore and went to another movie, maybe it will catch you more, then you go out and see what’s in another movie room. You know how the cinemas at the mall are, one after the other, above, below, further to the left, further to the right. I have often wondered what it would be like to go out and enter other movie rooms, just like that, to see what happens.
I understand the fatigue, the boredom, the distrust, the state of living from one day to the next, only if a Deus ex machina would appear to save us.
If last year we all had energy, this year we often crawled, like sad toys running out of batteries.
I don’t make a discordant note. I had a few weeks this summer in which only the will and self-discipline made me get back on my feet, like a Hopa Mitică that rises automatically.
Since last year, I have made efforts to be in balance, I had hard days, good days, I was very upset, I had tremendous disappointments. I had a lot of work, I had the feeling of being alone in the world, the impression that whatever I would do for some, it doesn’t matter, I was physically ill for I don’t know how many times last year. I lost 7 kg and put about 5 back on, I had the feeling that I am like a mouse in a wheel, running like crazy, and the results showed slowly. I was afraid, I was insecure, my landmarks were like moving sands.
When I tried to analyze, I could see the black cloud of melancholy, despair, hopelessness coming, and I was making a conscious effort not to look in that direction. Not forever. Just for a while, maybe we put it off for the next day, like Scarlett O’Hara from The Wings of the Wind, who left thoughts she didn’t like for the next day.
Sometimes this postponement was worth it. The next day I saw things differently. At other times, I postponed for the third or fourth day, knowing that it was not good to think about those things at that time, that I was busy. I reflected when I could no longer see those clouds that could make my thinking foggy and when I regained my strength.
I don’t think we have a choice. Of course, it’s hard for us. Of course, we are tired, we want something else, we no longer find our meaning, sometimes we do not feel seen, appreciated, valued, as if we do a lot in vain, without results.
But what is the alternative? To let go, to let ourselves go down, to abandon everything we have built?
Or, rather, to hold ourselves in our hands, as we held in our hands the strings of the puppets when we were little, and play theater with them?
Or go to bed when we can’t do it anymore, rest more?
Or to allow ourselves a few days away from the unleashed world, away from the valley of lamentation around us, somewhere in nature, where to find ourselves, our meaning, and our energy?
Or remember how much we went through in life, how many more things we went through which were much harder and that we were, in fact, winners?
Or to rejoice for who and how we are, for what we have, because we are healthy, we have family, friends around?
No one is coming to save us. Or maybe it comes, but only for a few, rarely.
Usually, it is good to save ourselves, to be both the doll and the puppeteer, to know what makes us good, what hurts us, to postpone some decisions, to seek support around us, to say NO when we don’t want to or not we can do something, look for our sources of energy and enthusiasm.
The easiest way is to leave the doll’s strings on the floor. Abandonment is sometimes at hand. But in a difficult situation, what would we recommend to our best friend?
What if that friend is ourselves?”
via: Revista Cariere