When we were little, our mother had an obsession with checking to see if we washed our bodies. When she came home late from work, she would come to check. We washed our wrists and then pulled the sleeves of our pajamas down. We never managed to fool her. She wanted to see above; each time she sent us to wash, saying, ‘Whose the rest of the body is? Why don’t you wash it, why don’t you take care of everything? Why are you hiding the dirt? You’re actually fooling yourself. ‘
It was our way, narrow-minded children, of ‘sweeping under the rug’.
Adults, we sometimes tend to hide what does not suit us. Of course, it is good to maintain an elegance of relationships; of course, it’s good to behave respectfully, politely. And yes, it’s good to look at the full half of the glass, to even be happy to have a glass, as they say.
At the same time, not talking about what is not ok, not bringing to the surface the ‘dirt under the rug’, I don’t think it’s too constructive.
I think that if we go to the doctor, we would like them to tell us exactly how things are, to know if we have a disease, and then to see what to do, how to solve the situation so that we are well. If the doctor tells us that it’s not a big deal, even if it’s serious, to be positive, and only that, without showing us the diagnosis, without taking it into account, I’m not sure it helps us too much.
Of course, I understand that it is good to be careful how we think, what we say, so as not to attract something negative. But when something is negative, I think recognizing and treating, making a plan to resolve the situation, is a constructive approach.
In organizations I have encountered situations where there is a problem, someone has inappropriate behavior, for example, does not do what he has to do, others are dissatisfied, but everyone avoids dot one’s i’s and cross one’s t’s. Maybe out of a desire to maintain good relationships, to avoid confrontation, many people prefer to pretend, to behave as if they do not see. Of course, frustration is there, but for some, it is preferable to confrontation.
Our mother could leave us unwashed for good, to brag that she is not a critical mother, that she sees only the positive side of her children. Good thing it was realistic! The dirt swept under the rug does not disappear, it goes bad, it ends up smelling bad. And if you put in more, in the long run, you can’t liv