When I was a child, my parents would put all their money in one place and say: ‘here is all the money for this month. The 4 of us can take from it as much as we need. But we have to be careful and make it last for the whole month, both for what everyone wants and for food, clothes, bills’.
This way of doing things worked well for me, it showed the trust my parents had in me; they were transparent, and made me think of the whole family, rather than satisfy my needs alone.
I grew up with the idea that money is important if we want to have a normal standard of living and make some of our wishes come true or travel places. I never believed money was an end in itself, though. It comes and goes, I make it and not the other way around. However, I have also met people for whom money is never enough. Even though they have more than they could ever have dreamed of, they constantly complain and live like people with limited resources. I have told them several times that it is better not to complain, that they could attract something bad, or, joked that it would make their guardian angel angry:) …it does not work. The fear that they might not have it anymore, that others could ask something of them, is beyond reason or amusement.
These people remind me of that joke about the miser who fell into a river and was screaming for help; a passer-by heard him and ran toward him, shouting: ‘Give me your hand!’ But the miser replied: ‘I’m not giving you anything’ and drowned.
Money is an important source of conflict in relationships and can even lead to divorce. The way we were educated makes its mark on how we relate to money in our relationships as well. The ability to speak freely, to clarify expectations, the willingness to explore alternatives, to establish how each of the two partners relates to money, could help in maintaining an atmosphere of trust in the relationship. Some people measure themselves by how much they earn. If the significant other earns less, then their value is directly proportional. However, they forget that we go through life like the carts on a roller coaster: sometimes up, other times down, sometimes proud, other times with the head upside down. Money does not define us; if we were all equal from this point of view, who would we actually be?
On the other hand, we also happen to spend, at certain times, in inverse proportion to our degree of happiness in a relationship or even in our life. If it helps us that we buy more shoes sometime, that is ok, as long as we do it with a degree of control, and consciously. Money can help us but let’s not forget one thing: we make it, not the other way around.