”I was wrong, I screwed up; I failed; I missed; I sucked; I made bad decisions; I failed an exam; I didn’t succeed – here are some ways to say the same thing, in various stylistic registers.

It’s hard to talk about failure. Although, conceptually, it seems simple, when we are in the situation of acknowledging that we have failed, it hurts us. Who should we admit it to? First of all to ourselves.

Many of us grew up with the idea that we need to be the best at what we do. A low grade in school seemed like the end of the world, we were lectured, compared to other children, the standards that parents often imposed were very high. Certainly, their intention were good, they wanted, maybe, to make us learn, to not overlook it, to convince us to be ambitious. A B-grade could become a burden for the soul of a sensitive child, a proof that they are not good enough, that they disappoint their parents, that they does not deserve to be loved, to name just a few possible interpretations.

I blame no one here: the parents wanted the best, the child understood it in their way. Everyone’s filters were different.

But we become adults, with great responsibilities, and we often realize that the patterns of the past are still there.

The child who has felt the pressure to always get A-grades will always want to be the first, to be recognized, validated, and when these do not happen, they will suffer: sometimes less, sometimes more, until they get to put so much pressure that it becomes difficult to bear the very existence. Fortunately, our body is smart enough to give us alarm signals: headaches, shoulder, back, stomach pains, various other forms of somatization. But we must pay attention to ourselves, get to know each other, take care of ourselves.

I read somewhere that a man has, on average, 60,000 thoughts a day. 70% of them are negative. It’s hard to keep your balance, look for the bright side or even appreciate that there is one.

I don’t think we learn from all the failures, not immediately, we don’t get back on our feet quickly after all of them. Some take a long time, others leave scars that take much time to heal.

I have had many such situations, I will not talk about them now, it isn’t the place for the valley of complaint.

But what I learned is that I went through some on my own, with a lot of effort and in a long time and I went through some with some support, in less time. I think we can all get through a lot on our own, through the hard onesn (and I talk from my experience). But life is so short, there are so many to experience, to see, to learn, that it is a sin to be egotistical, to fight alone, not to seek help, and not to overcome failure faster, be it professional or personal.

What would it be like to rewrite many other, better experiences than those caused by failure? And when we think of ourselves, let us see with our own eyes as a construction like those in Guell Park, by Gaudi, colorful, surprising, rather than as a painting of the ‘still life with man’ type.”

via: Revista Cariere