‘I do not set objectives at the beginning of the year, because I am not able to stick to them anyway. It is difficult to find the time for myself’ a friend told me.
Maybe we all have this kind of thoughts. It is difficult to hold on to something we set for ourselves. New things always come up, we have different responsibilities, we must ‘do’ this or that at the office, our company, manager or who knows who ‘will not let’ us. It is always something, someone that interferes and will not let us reach our objectives/goals or take care of ourselves.
‘Hell is other people’, said Jean Paul Sartre and, lo and behold, many times it is true. Other people will not let us do something. Other people are against us. We clearly know very well and in detail what we want, we clearly established when we are going to the gym, with whom, we’ve already payed, made room in our schedule, we delegated responsibilities; we clearly decided that we will eat healthy, at certain hours, that we will cut sweets by 50%, that we will not drink Coca Cola or Pepsi or any other fizzy drink, that we will not eat after 7 pm.
However, a meeting comes up, an unexpected dinner, then other things, someone else buys us food, it’s someone’s birthday, and we have to eat the cake right? Yes, but not every day. We can go for dinner every day – but we are careful what we chose, right? After all, no one holds a gun to our head and makes us eat too much. It is very difficult to clearly establish what we want and to stick to the plan. We make an effort of will, of imagination (when we do it, too often we only have unspecified intentions), we write them down, and then we forget. It is like stretching a rubber band, and then letting it go. It will return to its original shape, at the starting point. Likewise, if we do not keep a level of pressure, we fall into our old habits. And as such, we oscillate, like swings, back and forth and back and forth.
In fact, there are other reasons, hidden ones, for not sticking to what we have set out to do.
Here are a few:
It is not very clear what we want, we have a general idea, not specific, without details; the purpose, the objective is too vague
It is difficult for us to make an effort, our personal comfort is more important
We have done something in a certain way for a while, it has worked out to some degree, why change it?
We do not have a solid motivation to change something.
We do not have someone around to support us, on the contrary, many times those around us support us not to do something differently; it seems like they discourage us sometimes. A colleague of mine says that sometimes it seems as if someone once told him that everything would be easy, when in fact, he realized he was being lied to. Whose voice is that, really?
The path of least resistance is simpler
Beyond our aspirations, we have not defined and evaluated our values: integrity, truth, ethics, comfort, entertainment, conflict avoidance, kindness, responsibility, involvement, family. Defining our values is a rational exercise that helps in the long run. However, our values are sometimes in contradiction and a negotiation is necessary.
Our cravings, instincts, impulses, which pertain to out prehistoric brain, are extremely powerful; without a conscious exercise, without discipline, we will not be able to keep them in check.
What works for me:
I set some goals, write them down on paper and on the phone.
I stick them to the entrance door (on the inside ☺), in French so that will discourage the curious; I see them daily, I do not have the chance to forget; sometimes I attach a few pictures to keep my interest and imagination alive.
I search for some kind of support points, people who help me, sometimes just because I think about them, to stick to what I set for myself.
What about you?