Maybe you have watched TV during the Holidays. Maybe you zapped from channel to channel, looking for something interesting or worthwhile. Maybe you have noticed the level of discussion on some channels, not to mention the level of discourse in the Romanian political field.
Why am I writing about those things? Because I am convinced that it is important to surround ourselves with the type of people, TV channels, web pages, books, podcasts that pull us forward, that enrich our soul and mind.
We are in a terrible hurry, busy, every day of the year, we get up in the morning, we have a shower, we change quickly, we get into our cars or public transport, we get mad in traffic, we get stressed at work or home, we come back home late, tired, irritated, angry with the government, with our manager, with our colleagues, we release our anger on our children, wife or husband, then we go to sleep – and we wake up haunted by gnawing thoughts and nightmares.
Now, at the beginning of the year, I propose that we be careful about the people we surround ourselves with. What are we talking about? What can I talk about? How can these people help us?
Let’s think about ourselves as a house that we want to furnish. First of all, we want a house with a few rooms, in order to accommodate ourselves, our family, friends, to have a certain diversity. What type of furniture, books, paintings, curtains do we want in our house? We certainly want good quality items, objects that would make us feel good, proud, that would give us the feeling of comfort, warmth, relaxation. Furnishing a house will not come cheap. We will not buy poor quality items, but durable objects that we can rely on and that can create a state of well-being.
Our being is like this house. I propose bringing around us people who give:
Our soul the warmth, love, appreciation, understanding, openness, empathy, acceptance
Our mind ideas, information, different perspectives, challenges, different images, stories, experiences, metaphors that broaden our horizons.
I propose that we think for a while about the people who help us be ourselves, be better, wish us to be better, mentally and spiritually, who inspire us through what they do, say, read, experience. It is like reading a lot of books or watching a lot of movies and, in a way, through the characters you read about, you lived more lives. It is also a way of staying away from the mediocrity towards which, I have the feeling, society is pushing us.
Beyond reading, listening to podcasts of people who wrote books, or did research, I invite you to make a list of the people you want to be surround by this year:
People from the company you work for and whom you admire
People in the industry where you work
People who have totally different jobs
People with artistic inclinations
Introverted people, who help us stop ‘our mental and social noise’
Salespeople – if we are introverted, they can give us other perspectives, they can take us out of the ordinary
People who read a lot
People with life experience
People who vibrate with passion and passion for what they do
Someone you can always call when you are adrift, someone who can put you back on track
Someone who will listen to you
Someone you can listen to
Someone who can tell you stories, fables
Someone who studied a lot
Someone on whose shoulder you can cry
Someone who is willing to spend hours on end talking to you, and they leave, you feel richer in some way
Let’s look for people who have something to say, a story to tell. I have the feeling you can’t find them around every corner. Descartes said: “Je pense donc je suis”. I would say about these people: “ils discutent donc ils existent”. Or: Ils racontent donc ils existent. Someone like this could be a mentor, a coach (with the right qualification).
No matter who we are, I believe that we need two types of people in our lives. First of all, someone who we call when something good happens, someone who will truly and sincerely be happy for us, more than if they had done something remarkable. Second, someone you can call, someone you can talk to when thinks go terribly wrong, when you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, when you think you are defeated, on the ground, and you can’t get up. We all have great moments and awful moments. Who is the person who will listen to us, who will support us?
Beyond just finding these people, we should also learn how to keep them close, how to cherish them. I remember that story of God, who was walking down the road and met a peasant who was carrying on his back a bag of manure.
“What do you have in your bag?”, God asked.
“Pure gold”, the peasant answered.
“So be it,” said God, and went on. Then, He met a merchant who was carrying a bag of gold on his back.
“What do you have in your bag?”, God asked.
“A bunch of rubbish, manure”, said the merchant.
“So be it,” said God, and went on.
The peasant and the merchant went home and emptied the bag – the former had pure gold, while the latter had a bag full of trash.
And so, we should be careful how we cherish what we have and who we have around us.
Social networking
We have a major advantage in recent years due to social media. We can connect easily with different people.
Use your ability to network properly. Surround yourself with people who are competent in multiple areas, nurture your relationships with them. This means reciprocity, it is a kind of exchange. Extroverted people have greater ease in doing this. However, even introverts can develop an ambivert behaviour.
Consciously develop your social network. You know someone brings value and they are your friend when:
You can tell them what went wrong, and they will not judge you, and will not start talking about themselves.
You can tell them your good news and they will celebrate with you. Believe it or not, this aspect is very important. It often happens that you tell someone something good has happened to you and you see how they get upset. We can take it into account when we think how much of a friend that person is.
Surround yourself with people who want the best for the best part of you. Do not spend time with losers, they will drag you down. How much we take responsibility for ourselves as individuals rather than letting ourselves get carried away, is a matter quite open for debate.
And so, let’s surround ourselves with people that help us develop.
We also have people around us who go through difficult periods in their life; very negative people in general or negative in a specific period of their lives. It is easy to say that we will not spend time with them, just as easy as letting ourselves get caught in their negativity.
I think the secret lies in the conscious decision to be close to them and at the same time keep some distance – analyzing the situation from the balcony, not from ‘the dance floor’ of the relationship. Dancing with such a person or fighting to change them is a sure recipe for failure. Keeping a certain distance helps us see things from above and beat the iron not when it’s hot, but when it’s cold. It helps us not identify with a negative spiral, not take over negative states, be a “container” for the other knowing at the same time how to ensure our own mental hygiene.
We have the right and responsibility to surround ourselves with people who are good for that good part of us.