A friend recently told me about her grandmother, a person who had been brought up in France in an environment where manners were non-negotiable. During the communist period, when this friend was a child, her grandmother was horrified when she saw, in Bucharest, people spitting in the street, having no personal discipline, not knowing how to sit at the table, how to use the different cutlery at a multi-course meal. The lady died at 82 and, until she died, she continued to work. With dedication, responsibility, energy, enthusiasm, elegance.
I have another friend who, when I visit her, sadly all too rarely, does everything as if we were in a painting that exudes distinction, regal manners, delicacy.
It moves me, I love it, I wish I had more of these interactions in my life.
Perhaps some will say they are outdated, that the world has changed and we are no longer at the turn of the last century. It’s true, the world and mores have changed. I don’t know if it’s for the better, but in our daily rush to be cool at all costs, we’ve come to spit on the street, to think we can stick our fork in the next person’s plate, or that anyone over 40 is outdated, lacking neural connections, to no longer respect people, traditions, rules.
A colleague of mine told me that he had read in a book by Ortega Y Gasset his predictions about the world: it will be ruled by people of dubious culture, without manners.
What could those manners mean?
I would mention a few instances:
To consider that you can say whatever you think, as you please, whenever you please, to another person, in the name of transparency and honesty, is unsophisticated rather than elegant;
Not to accept that the other person has a point of view, to behave like a Teflon pan that nothing can catch hold of, is in the area of primitive rather than modern behaviour;
Lying to the face of someone who helped you, doesn’t show much emotional intelligence;
Attending online meetings and sitting with the camera closed all the time, doing something else, shows disrespect to those who have prepared for the meeting, those who are doing the talking;
Getting into an elevator with a lit cigarette is not wise, both to that small space and to those riding the elevator after you;
Talking too loudly in a restaurant, on the subway, on a bus, either to the person next to you or on the phone is very disturbing to others;
Talking excessively about yourself, thinking that you are the center of other people’s universe, that they have something to do with you, or that they have nothing to do but listen to you, all this does you no favours;
Thinking that everything can be taken for a ride shows a certain lack of social intelligence.
I hope the fashion of good manners returns, as some past clothing trends are again valued.