‘So much silence is around that I can hear the moonlight rays smash into the windows’ (Lucian Blaga)
I have had for a few times in my life the feeling that I can hear the moonlight rays in my windows. Some, a minority, would say that it is a privilege to have your own time and space. Others, the majority, are alone and so painfully alone most of the time.
I often hear statements such as:
‘I have no one to talk to’
‘I get the feeling that I am talking to myself’
‘No one gets me’
‘I feel like I am speaking in a foreign language’
‘I cannot talk to anyone in the company, no one cares’
‘I cannot bear it, I feel too lonely; but I will make it’
The higher we climb the organizational ladder, the more powerful the feeling of loneliness becomes; and so, it becomes increasingly difficult to talk about what bothers and stresses us with the people around us. I remember that 15 years ago, at my exit interview, somebody gave me the advice to stop thinking that anyone in the company is my friend and that they are all people who work with me and nothing else. It took me a while to understand and accept this advice. Over time, I have learned that in fact I am alone in my own way. With time, I noticed that other people are in the same situation. In time, I noticed that there are a lot of people who are fundamentally alone, even though they have social circles, even though they have an important role in a company. Paradoxically, we are so connected, and we have some many ‘friends’ on social media, but very few true ones and so in reality we become more and more isolated.
Most of us hide behind a number of fabricated photos of ourselves; images made up on social media; images made of how we dress, act, of the places we visit just to be noticed; images that in general help us function in society. A time comes when all these images fade to black, grow insufficient, unsatisfying and we find ourselves in need of finding a new ‘self’- The Self. When we want this profound, authentic Self to be seen, to be recognised, appreciated there is a split that occurs between us and the others. We have an internal truth that we try to hide most of the time, but sometimes we would like to let it shine just for a moment. However, this will come with time.
I know people that are transformed if they are around a dog or a cat; they become gentle, warm, calm. Around people though they go back to being ‘en garde’, truly afraid not to be hurt, they close their soul up.
I often wonder what has gone so wrong as to make people indifferent, mean, without integrity, stabbing each other in the back, gossiping, thinking the others are the enemy, not listening to each other and losing their patience.
Even though it seems like we have a lot of people around, we are in fact groups of glued solitudes. Maybe by having more confidence in others and ourselves or by having the courage to reveal our vulnerable sides we could turn glued solitudes into glued friendships or maybe even true ones.
The fear of being alone is one of the fundamental anxieties of humans. We need other people, we have the need to be together, to be accepted, loved, integrated. And yet…