The hardest thing of all is to find a black cat in a dark room, especially if there is no cat. (Confucius).
The hardest thing of all is to find qualities in someone when you’ve already projected your desired ones onto them, especially if they do not have them.
How many times have you had the feeling that someone disappointed you?
How many times have you done a lot for a person and in return they treated you badly?
How many times have you suffered because someone betrayed your expectations?
We all went through those situations. We have listened to someone for a long time, we were there when they needed it, we bent over backwards to help, giving all kinds of advice (which they took and changed something in them), and at some point those people:
Disappeared into thin air.
Left and started to compete against us.
Started to talk behind our backs.
Became aggressive verbally, emotionally without a reason.
When I was child, I heard the expression ‘you raised the snake at your breast’. I have no idea if this is the case. But I would rather like to believe that I did not see it coming.
It happens that many of us don’t see what a person is really like. Or we do not want to see, to evaluate, to study, to check. Many times, we give more credit than we should and then expect the other person to appreciate it, to be grateful. This type of credit is, however, as one of my friends says, an idleness of the mind. We invest someone with qualities, the way we think in our imagination that someone should be – whether it is a colleague, friend, lover, and then we expect that person to act in accordance with the qualities we assigned to them.
It’s kind of a throw-in; I give my trust and expect the other one to honour it. But maybe the person is not in the mood. Maybe they are busy being who they are. To expect the other one to behave according to the qualities you assigned to them is like expecting all the frogs to turn into princes. It is a heavy burden to bear, for some even impossible, which will lead to the unhappiness of both parties.
I believe the solution is to accept someone for who they are. This shows knowledge. Knowledge keeps us focused and helps us fit someone in the right place for both them and us. Otherwise we will be eternally dissatisfied and inadequate.