”I was recently at an event organised by a large fashion company. It was in the evening and, among other things, we had a few games of roulette. I had played before in Las Vegas and Monte Carlo, nothing special, just to tick off this type of activity. I didn’t know anything at the time, I didn’t try to understand.
This time, I played a little, lost, and then gave up. I went to look at clothes, talk to other people, drink champagne. But then I went back to roulette. I didn’t want to give up, I wanted to understand the rules and see how I could win.
I played ‘at random’, won, lost, won and lost again, then asked the chip dealer to explain. I played a little more knowledgeably, lost some more, then understood better and won.
A week after that I had my company’s 25th-anniversary event. When you celebrate a quarter of a century, after the fever of preparation passes, after you rest, you realize that 25 years is still a big part of life, and you start to revisit the good moments and the painful ones.
Many of those 25 years have been like playing roulette. I didn’t really know what business was, I learned by doing, I went to classes, EMBA, learned about finance, HR, marketing, advertising, sales, implemented, made mistakes, asked for advice, tried again, learned, did it differently.
Looking back, I did what I did best at every point. I have never been overconfident, quite the opposite. I’ve always had the feeling that I’m not good enough, not tall enough, that I don’t look good, that I always have to try harder than others to make up for it. It seemed to me that the grass was greener on the other side, that the others knew more, that they were smarter, more beautiful, more relaxed, more appreciated by the world, more loving, more outgoing, that there was a good fairy at their birth who put them on a horse and their life was more serene. And because I didn’t benefit from all this, I thought I had to work harder, learn more, continuously, so as not to be a Cinderella in society.
I was fortunate enough to have a fair amount of work power and an extra ounce of personal discipline, some openness and curiosity, which helped me. My enthusiasm, my inner restlessness, my desire to help, to make an impact, just like that, at my level, supported me when I felt like giving up and giving in, when it seemed like there was so much emptiness around me that it wouldn’t be seen if I wasn’t part of it. But then Blaga’s lyrics came to my mind and saved me:
“So quiet all around
I seem to hear
The moonbeams crashing against the windows.”
Somehow, poetry, books, art, my aspirations, have sustained me all these years.
I had a few people around me I could talk to who had the generosity to listen to me, to care. I have learned to value them, they are not all roads, they are not transactional, they are those Jiminy Crickets, similar to the cricket that held Pinocchio’s conscience, that our soul needs like air.
I didn’t think I could go through so much, that I could fall so many times and get up, that I could suffer so much and put myself back together, like a vessel broken into pieces and put back together, with intention, so that it looks like a work of art again, I didn’t think the Languages graduate who spent days in the library could learn business, make sales, understand the financial area.
But these years have shown me that people, including myself, have resources that sometimes they have no idea of, that it is important to seek to develop ourselves, to be good with ourselves, alone, and then with others, that hell, when it manifests itself, is in us, not in others, and we can transform it, that we can put an end to relationships that dry us up, to situations that are too difficult and useless to bear.
I’ve often wanted to find out how things are done, to meet someone who knows and can tell me what the ingredients of success are in business and personal life.
I learned from each of my clients, friends, colleagues, from courses, from books. I haven’t yet found the user manual for life as an entrepreneur. Perhaps everyone has their own, written day by day, with tears and glitter alike. Maybe if there was such a thing, I wouldn’t have read it, just as I’ve never had the patience to read the operating instructions that came with any device.
In those 25 years I have learned, experimented, had adventures, read, travelled extensively, studied, written, loved, suffered, dared, made mistakes, laughed, been in high heaven, rebelled, wanted to run away from it all, been ‘on stage’ and behind it.
The 19 year old girl who spent the light day in the library had no idea what was coming next. She imagined a career in teaching that was going to be predictable, quiet. Fortunately, however, many surprises awaited her along the way, she had no idea how many, and she had no dream that she would deserve to meet so many people, so many experiences and satisfactions. She is still amazed.”
via: Forbes