”One of the fundamental fears people have is fear of rejection. We are afraid to show others who we are and what we are really like because they may reject us or deny us their company and presence. Out of this fear, we carry ourselves in the world as if we were oysters hiding a pearl inside. We expect others to discover us, but we don’t do much to help them in this direction.
We are (or have been, up to this crisis) so caught up in “doing,” in the desire to demonstrate, to “reach objectives,” to “achieve,” to “have,” that “being” and “knowing ourselves” have become mere verbs, empty of meaning to many of us. In ancient times, people went to the Delphi Oracle to find the answer to important, essential questions, to seek advice.
Herodotus tells the story of a king who was preparing to go to war. Before setting out, he went to see Pythia, the priestess of Apollo’s Oracle in Delphi, and ask her if he was going to win the war. Pythia told him that he would come to measure the land with a string. The king, like many who are too self-confident, read in this prophecy that he would win and come to rule the world. What happened instead was that he lost the war, all his men were taken prisoners, and he, himself, became a slave. He did indeed end up measuring the land with a string.
Just like the king in Herodotus’ story, we no longer pay attention to the being who lives deep inside us, our profound self. We don’t give ourselves the time and space to interpret correctly what this profound self is telling us. This self is our Pythia, who whispers in our ear what is good and what is bad for us.
The character, or characters, we play falsifies reality, in fact.
We wear various masks, to the point of misidentification at times, maybe to face certain situations, or hide fears, wounds, frustrations, weaknesses. In this game of hide-and-seek with ourselves, we lose or screen the most important person: who we truly are, our inner self.
The paradox is that we deny this very person, our true self, the right to exist. This being, the real one, becomes the Cinderella in the story. We must accept it, not hide it. We must agree to reveal it. We can bring Cinderella to light and take her to the next level.
Let’s consider this: We suffer from a lack of validation and recognition. In fact, others can’t validate anything about us because we present somebody else in our stead, one of the characters we play rather than our true self, who is hidden. Therefore, what do we expect others to validate? One of the characters? Or would we rather they validated our Cinderella, given her rightful rank?
The key is in turning toward ourselves: The persona we are constructing to align with the outside world should not run against our being, so we do not grow inadequate. If we are in balance with our inner self, the tension decreases, the stress recedes, and we are better off and more authentic. How can we narrow the gap between the various masks we wear and the “pearl” beyond?
We can grow more aware of this gap, or discrepancy.
We can turn toward our inner self, analyze it, appreciate it, love it and decide if we want to work with it and refine it further.
We can pay attention to what we dream: Our subconscious speaks to us and gives us information that can help us. When we dream, we find out things about ourselves; it is up to us how much credit we give to those things.
We can consult with a coach or mentor who can draw our attention to different aspects, especially one who practices the psychodynamic approach.
We can keep a diary and make notes on what makes us glad, sad, mad, bad, what scares us, what makes us proud every day.
We can take a look in the mirror in the evening, after we have removed the makeup, and ask the person we see there: How are you? What are your wishes? Are you tired? What gives you energy?
We can tell this person we appreciate them, love them, take good care of them and bring them to light, for the world deserves to see their uniqueness.
We can make peace with ourselves and the world, balance taking care of ourselves and caring about others, be brave and take responsibility for ourselves and our decisions.
This way, we will no longer say, “My manager/partner/the other doesn’t understand me. I feel alone, nobody sees my true self.” Owning our true self makes integration in society smoother.”
via: Forbes