”At a recent event I attended, the speakers, who were all women, discussed resilience. They brought up their grandmothers, women who had lived through World War II, lost everything they had, and raised small children during that time. They had to start over from scratch and rebuild their lives. They educated their children, supported them to attend good schools, and worked hard themselves. Remarkably, despite the years of immense hardships, they retained their manners, elegance, decency, and the art of conversation.
Perhaps the key to resilience lies precisely there: when you’ve stared into the abyss and felt, in every fiber of your being, that you’ve reached the lowest point—a point beyond which there is only darkness—you stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know that you have the power to save yourself, that your future largely depends on you, and you act accordingly.
In those difficult moments when we feel like giving up, something deep within us urges us to straighten our backs, plant our feet, and do something constructive. This inner force knows that no one is coming to save us, that no one else is responsible for picking us up, and that wallowing in self-pity is not a worthy option.
When I say it depends on us, I don’t disregard the fact that each of us is the sum of all our familial and social interactions, shaped by the decisions of previous generations. Epigenetics teaches us that individual traits vary based on environmental factors; in other words, we are influenced by both hereditary and environmental aspects.
I looked into resilience further. Șerban Ionescu, a psychiatrist and clinical psychologist who served as an emeritus professor of psychopathology at Université Paris 8 Saint-Denis and Université du Québec à Trois Rivières, emphasizes two essential points in defining resilience:
“- Resilience characterizes a person who has experienced or is experiencing a traumatic event or chronic adversity and demonstrates good adaptability;
- Resilience is the result of an interactive process between the individual, their family, and their environment.”
Ionescu distinguishes between natural resilience and assisted resilience. Natural resilience is shaped by individual characteristics and interactions within the family and community. Assisted resilience, on the other hand, is built with the help of mental health professionals (as explained in “Tratat de reziliență asistată,” coordinated by Șerban Ionescu). Thus, some people have resilience embedded in their DNA and reinforced by their family environment. Others require intentional personal work and professional support to develop protective factors such as self-esteem, a positive self-image, humor, a sense of control over life, and the ability to evoke sympathy (as highlighted by Professor Ionescu).
While it may sound cliché, difficult events help us build resilience. If we dig deep into our memories, we find that we’ve all faced situations that seemed too tough to handle. Those moments often seemed insurmountable, and it felt like bad things happened only to us, that we’d never rise again.
In the business world, resilience involves anticipating and repositioning in response to environmental challenges. Beyond the ability to survive adversity, resilience involves developing new skills and exploring opportunities.
Here are some strategies to develop resilience:
- Accept that “shit happens,” as the English say. Life isn’t just a romantic movie with a happy ending; it’s a rollercoaster where you never know when you’ll fall, scream in fear, or be amazed at yourself and what’s happening. How you handle it represents the turning point that determines whether you are overwhelmed or whether you manage your circumstances.
- Focus on what you can change and let go of what you can’t, at least for a while. See things from a different perspective after a break.
- Build your self-confidence. There are many resources available—read, listen to articles and podcasts, and make a list of your qualities and values. Appreciate them, because what we nurture will grow, and what we neglect will fade away. Treat yourself like you would your best friend.
- Appreciate what you have and those you build with, without wasting too much energy on those who don’t appreciate you. I once had a dear colleague who used to tell me that others weren’t to blame and didn’t deserve to see me with a cloud over my head when I was upset.
- Reflect on how your actions and thoughts during difficult moments help or harm you. If you find yourself being overly negative, ask yourself how this mindset is benefiting you. If it isn’t, adjust it.
- Seek a higher purpose. Get involved in a cause that speaks to you—education, environmental protection, helping animals, or supporting people in need.
- Develop problem-solving and decision-making skills. There are plenty of books and courses available to help with this.
- Choose a photo of yourself from a moment when you did something special. Display it where you can see it to remind yourself of your capabilities. I have a photo from when I went skydiving at my office and at home, reminding me of that moment whenever things get tough.
- Sing or hum when you can; it helps you relax and reposition yourself.
- Pay attention to what you eat. It might sound trivial, but our fuel can be either a friend or a foe.
- Write, even if it’s just for yourself. Writing is a great way to process difficult emotions and experiences.
When I was about 20, I had the chance to meet a couple who left a lasting impression on me. They were both around 80 years old and had lived through two world wars, left their country, and returned. What was remarkable, aside from their vast culture, was the elegance, respect, and tenderness they exuded. Despite all the hardships they faced, they interacted with each other and those around them with love and gentleness that I’ve rarely seen since. A few years before passing away, the husband wrote a book dedicated to his wife in French—a book I had the honor of typing up in the 1990s before it was sent to the publisher. I still remember the tenderness that emanated from those pages, written by a man who had wandered the world with his soulmate, both exiled by war. For me, these people have always been a model of resilience, long before it became a popular concept.”
via: Forbes