”I’ve always been a strange mixture of self-confidence and great doubt. When I learned about Descartes and his statement “dubito, ergo sum”, I used it to justify my own question marks to myself. Always asking questions, always searching for meaning, for sense, for the depths of one’s own being and that of others, are all worthy of attention. But to lack self-confidence, to have a low self-esteem, is tantamount to self-sabotage, to limiting personal potential.
Parents, when I was growing up, gave their children very little encouragement. That’s how it was then, exhortations like: “don’t come out ahead”, “let others come out ahead, be modest”, or questions like; “who do you think you are?”, “why don’t you stay in your corner?”, were not meant to support a child’s self-confidence.
When we were only getting 10’s, we would get the line: ‘that’s normal, we don’t expect anything else’. I haven’t forgotten my father’s line when I got a nine in college: “nine, that’s a grade?”. It never seemed to be good enough.
It took me a while to understand that this was how my parents knew how to show me that it was good to be ambitious, to strive for something good, something better, for myself.
I’m sure many have gone through this. I see people around me who dare not speak up in a group of more than two people, who hesitate and avoid asserting themselves.
Confidence in ourselves is essential, to go through life like a fish through water, to have the feeling that we are dancing with each day, not struggling. But I’ve also met people who, when virtue was shared, overdosed on confidence and had no room left for an ounce of modesty. I’m not a fan of those. I prefer moderation, balance. This self-confidence is like salt in dishes: food is bland without it, hard to swallow when it’s in excess.
But how do we increase our self-confidence?
Here are some ideas:
Let’s look in the mirror and appreciate the person we are. That person has been through a lot in this life, has overcome obstacles that may have seemed too much to bear. I would divide life into 10-year segments and suggest we think about the good times and the more complicated times in each decade. We probably remember fewer moments from the first decade. And yet, the child I was had the strength to grow up in a dysfunctional family, grew up with a wrench in her neck and parents who had little time for her, being beatn by other kids or a sibling, struggled every day when had to go to school (I was like that in first grade!), maybe a friend died just in those years (It happened too) or who knows. There were certainly many difficult times, many realizations. What greater evidence of one’s own ability than the experiences we’ve been through?
We all have people around us who trust us, entrust us with projects, give us their time. If they didn’t see something in us, I’m sure they wouldn’t give us time, a project or a job.
Let’s remember times when we were happy, proud of ourselves. Let’s visualize those moments: how we looked, how we enjoyed ourselves, what we did, how we showed ourselves. That kind of euphoria is worth cultivating and expanding.
Let’s imagine our best friend telling us that he/she doesn’t trust him/her, doesn’t think he/she is good enough. What would we say to him/her? What advice would we give him/her? How would we support him/her? Then let’s apply the support we are capable of to ourselves. After all, why isn’t it worth supporting ourselves too?
This journey to more self-confidence is long, it requires discipline, patience, and perseverance. I know it sounds cheesy, but if we don’t trust ourselves, a little at a time, if we don’t support ourselves in the first place, then who does?”
via: Revista Cariere