”I got this question a while ago at the end of an interview. I got a bit annoyed, it seemed hard to give a general definition. I said what success means to me, considering that it might mean something else to others.

If I had been asked 20 years ago, I would certainly have given a different answer. But now, when the candles on the cake cost almost as much as the cake, I would say that success is a combination of moments of joy, happiness, and purpose, meaning in life. If in the past I would have said that it’s important to work as hard as I can, now I realize that there are other aspects to what I do at the office every day. The famous meme “No one wishes, at the end of the day, that they had spent more time at the office” is starting to make sense.

I believe that moments of joy, of happiness, come from many places:

First, from being good to ourselves. This inner balance is not necessarily a given. Maybe some find it sooner, others search for it all their lives.

When we are in balance with ourselves, we are more likely to be in balance with others, and to have quality relationships with the people around us: friends, colleagues, husband, wife, children, parents, siblings. And so we come to another important source of joy: others, our relationship with otherness.

Our passions are also a potential source of joy. I know, we’re all very busy and it’s hard to cultivate our passions or identify them. It helps to think about what we liked to do when we were younger, how we spent our time. Cultivating a passion can help, it can be like a breath of fresh air we need in difficult times. And those moments are not long in coming.

Helping someone else can be another source of joy. If we go to a school and do something for a class, for a child who needs support of any kind, the joy of the child or the class, of the teacher will be overwhelming. We will be happy, and those around us will be happy in return.

Very often, however, joy comes from actions that may seem small but are important to others and to you. Here are some of the things that are on my list:

  • A book that excites us, makes us live more lives, haunts us at night in our sleep because we want the mood it created to last;
  • A coffee drunk in the morning on the weekend;
  • The first beads, brought by someone at a traffic light, when you were in a hurry between meetings and had forgotten about yourself and spring;
  • A perfume that reminds you of a trip to Capri in the summer, driving a convertible – which you didn’t do, but have long dreamed of;
  • A macaroon and a glass of champagne on a terrace in Paris, while getting drunk on l’air du temps et de la ville;
  • Seeing someone dear to you again after a few years and those looks that say more than all the words in the world;
  • The take-offs and landings of the planes that take us around the world.

Linked to giving meaning to life, this need comes, for most, later.

Kierkegaard speaks of three stages of existence: the aesthetic, the ethical, and the religious. A qualitative leap makes it possible to move from one stage to another, from one way of life to another.

The three stages are stages in the development of the individual towards the self.

In the aesthetic stage, we are oriented towards habitual pleasures, towards avoiding boredom, towards the outside and adapting to it.
The ethical stage is where we build a family, are responsible for it, for children, for producing income to support all those close to us.
In the religious stage, the individual is guided by faith, not necessarily faith in divinity, but in something above oneself, a higher purpose than the self.

Not all people go through all the stages, there are people who remain in the aesthetic stage even at 50.

But when we reach the third stage, then we get involved in social causes, in sustainability projects that go beyond the individual, beyond the small group. This is about leaving something behind, even if, on a larger scale, that something is a stone in a larger edifice.

I am reminded of a story I heard from an entrepreneur in Senegal. It’s about a fire that broke out and people were struggling to stop it. A hummingbird kept going to the river and bringing a splash of water to put out the fire. Another bird said, “What are you doing, can’t you see you haven’t got a chance? The fire is too big and you are doing too little!” The hummingbird replied, “I’m doing my best, I’m doing my duty, at least I’m contributing to a corner, however small!”

Success, in the end, means knowing that you have contributed your drop of water, and in the meantime you have enjoyed every moment. For me, that’s how it is. How is it for you?”

via: Forbes