I recently caught up with a few people I hadn’t spoken to in months. When asked ‘how are you?’ I hesitated each time. Obviously, I know how I’m doing, I’m doing a lot, some are going better, more smoothly, others I seem to have the handbrake on. But what should I answer?
I often say: ‘well, thank you, and you?’, trying to move the spotlight onto the other, like the true introvert that I am.
I also sometimes think that I shouldn’t flood the other person with a stream of information that may not interest them. Later, in conversation, I figure out what I should say and what I shouldn’t.
The truth is that there are people who ask only for you to turn the question around and for them to start talking. I don’t mind, we all need to be heard. That’s what I know how to do, it’s easier for me than telling stories about myself.
I’ve also tried to say how I’m doing. As I said, I do a lot and I’ve noticed that:
There are people who know how to listen to an answer and build a conversation
There are others who after the first sentence they say that it happens to them too, and they did that, they said this, then they continue
There are also people who immediately divert the conversation as if they didn’t hear you say something, as if they had the remote control, and immediately change the channel to something that interests them
There are people who turn their back on you as if they were not engaged in a conversation.
To change the register a bit, I would like to tell you about an English client who had learned Romanian and always surprised the interlocutor who asked him: ‘Ce faci?’ with ‘Bine, bine, n-am cu cine’ (the conjugation of the verb ‘to do’ was always a subject of jokes for English speakers. The word ‘fac’ from ‘faci’ is being pronounced as ‘fuck’). The ice was broken, both sides laughed, the conversation followed its relaxed course.
How do you answer the question ‘How are you?’