”An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth “, that’s what we were saying when we were little and we were convinced that we had to take revenge. Children have an acute sense of justice, maybe that’s where the need for revenge comes from when someone upsets us. We had to do justice, show them where they belong, to make it even.
But this principle risks leading us to a planet of blind and mischievous people, a less happy image.
In time we learn that childhood justice does not exist exactly as we saw it, that everyone acts according to their own education, principles, experience, filters, which are not necessarily worse or better than ours.
We understand, over the years, that justice is a debatable notion, that a number 6 is seen 9 from the other, and we accept, at a rational level, that each comes with its own perception, that the truth is something above us, and inclusion make the world a better place.
A few years ago, a study of the world’s most admired leader gave precedence to Nelson Mandela, who had the rare wisdom to forgive his enemies and behave accordingly.
It is hard to forgive the other; it’s just as hard to forgive yourself.
I have met people who remember over the years various events, rather minor, if we look at the magnitude of life, and who bear the brunt of others for years. They live with an inner enemy for a long time, maybe they always will. It’s probably hard to live differently, maybe they’re afraid they’ll be left alone. It’s as if in all those years they get stuck in the phrase ‘an eye for an eye’ and don’t give up until they see the other hurt.
Maybe the other one was wrong or maybe the interpretation given to some actions is negative. But to forgive, to put aside the monster of revenge, to try to build, like the South African leader, a world, on a small scale, based on trust, compassion, understanding, means to rise above your own ego, to accept that everyone did as they could do better, for a while, and if they did wrong, it means that their dark side came to light then; but you, you have the power to forgive, to look not at the empty part of the glass but at the glass itself.
It is difficult for some of us to forgive our parents. It’s hard to accept that those parents did, in most cases, as best they could (I know, there are mistakes). It is difficult for some of us to forgive ourselves, as I said above. For what? Because maybe I wasn’t good enough at one point, because I forgot, because I didn’t succeed on all levels, because I didn’t have children or I didn’t create a good relationship (yet) with them, because I entered into toxic relationships or various others. That’s all I could do at one point. But, fortunately, we grew up, we learned, we see the world differently now.
Searching the web I discovered that the verb ‘to forgive’ comes from the Latin ‘libertare’. I find it interesting that forgiveness in itself involves liberation. To forgive someone else, to forgive ourselves, means to be free from negative charges, from assumptions, limiting judgments. And this is the road to serenity, contentment, would I dare too much if I took a step towards happiness?