I often received and heard this question. It kinda pissed me off every time. What do you mean? How else should I take it? Impersonal? When it is about me, an action of mine, I do not understand to “take it”.
I understand that not everything is in our power. That we cannot influence others that much. That, if someone wants to leave, he/she will leave, no matter how much we would have done for that person. If someone wants to behave badly, he/she will, no matter what we would have done for that person.
I have done many things, from my perspective, for others, in their difficult times, and some have found it appropriate to behave badly, instead.
Why do I take it personally? Because I invested in those relationships, in those people. Because, beyond money, it is about my time and energy, my emotion, not someone else’s, and those are so personal, precisely because I don’t get them back.
However, I analysed the situations. The pain also came with an understanding and repositioning. Of course, something that a person has done says more about them, but if I chose that person, it is good to think about what made me choose him/her. What was the signal that he/she gave me (those are always there) but I refused to see?
Of course, there are situations in which, before taking it personally, it is good to clarify what the other person meant or did. There is also the risk that we would feel attacked, although that was not the intention, but our sensitivity, which sometimes has other causes, makes us react inappropriately. Then we can clarify things and move on.
The Zen approach in which we take out any attack, injustice, outside ourselves, and treat it objectively, is one which I do not think we can reach until later in life.
Until then we are subjective, emotional, we high have expectations, sensibilities, the need for justice, to be treated fairly, we are wrong, we apologise, we get very happy, we get upset just as much, we get angry, we reconcile, we shed tears of joy.