”Focus on writing a good enough thesis, not the greatest one in your life!”. That is what our Insead coordinator told us as we began the research for our final paper. We had to study, have a point of view, support it, bring our contribution to the coaching and consultancy field through the psychoanalysis lens.
I was confused. I finished foreign languages, my previous teachers reinforced what I’d already learned at home: you have to aim for the best work, the best grades, everything had to be ”stellar” – if I’m allowed to use a popular barbarism (I think I would have failed my exams if I used words like this).
This tendency towards perfectionism has always bought me benefits, but also put me up to work by putting pressure on myself (for too long, as it became a lifestyle for a while), as well as interfering with my relationships (I remember one time, at the beginnings of my firm, a colleague of mine told me that he feels like he will never live up to my expectations).
How many of us have gone through such situations? We want (or someone made us think this way) to be the best, we have high expectations from ourselves and from others, we put so much pressure on relationships until they break. It can go even worse, something might break within us, we could get sick. Why is this happening?
Perfection is something that frightens us, keeps us at distance, it’s cold, impossible, untouchable, inhumane, in front of it we feel small, powerless. In order to be able to relate to others, we need to see them as humans too, humans who go through hard times, have fears, insomnia, get tired, have wrinkles, and also fail.
Let’s think for a moment: how many perfect people have you met? Not too many, isn’t it? Everyone has their flaws and despite that, we cherish and love them, maybe just because they are like that.
I know what you will say ”I try my best to be perfect, to be the first in the world!”. Sure, good luck with that!