“That’s me, they should accept me as I am!”
“Be natural, be yourself”
“Be your own self!”
How many times do we hear such statements or advice?
I believe such statements, desires and pieces of advice are far from what is “appropriate” in various situations. I often see bleak, negative people, seemingly always tired, angry people who seem to always have a dark cloud over their heads. If it is hot, they complain about being too hot; if it rains, they complain about it raining; if the wind blows, it’s no good; if they get up early, they are tired; if I they sleep late, they are in a bad mood. If you ask any questions, you get answers like, “So what, should we all be cheerful, laughing ear to ear?”
I think this idea that if you like me, that’s okay, and if you don’t, that’s just fine is completely wrong.
I think the way we act should be in agreement with who we are, deep inside; but we should also respect some limits. “The world’s a stage,” said Shakespeare. There are activities that we do on stage and activities that we do backstage. We brush our teeth, comb our hair backstage, whereas we hold a presentation, an interview, talk to colleagues “on stage”. Knowing yourself means adapting to the situation, reacting according to the context in which you are.
“Being yourself” may be an incentive rather to focus on your own self to the detriment of contextual interactions. I’m not saying here that it is good to be what others want us to be, as they want us, but rather that it is good to adapt.
To my mind, there is some kind of naive authenticity to this “That’s the way I am, accept me as I am.”
I’m not saying we should go against our ideals, our values, our beliefs. I’m only saying that sometimes the naive authentic self goes against us.
I rather propose that we behave at a certain level of authenticity, taking into consideration the context in which we are as well as the others, not just ourselves.