”I recently wrote about what we can do when we have toxic colleagues. I brought some ideas about how we can figure out starting from the interview if a person can be toxic, how to avoid having a toxic culture in the organization, and what we can do if we still have a colleague with whom it is impossible to work.
But I’ve been thinking since then about what we could do when we have a toxic manager.
I could quickly end this text with the exhortation you may remember from the movie ‘Forrest Gump’: ‘Run, Forrest, run!’
But it would be too simple and not always possible. Here are some possible scenarios that keep us with a toxic manager:
When we have a family to support, it is difficult to apply the above exhortation. We need a plan, viable alternatives, we need to be good at something, to know our world.
When our need for stability is very high, it is difficult, again, to take Forrest Gump’s approach. Something seems to keep us connected to what that job represents, that company represented by the toxic manager. It’s as if our roots have deepened there and it’s hard for us to separate. As an acquaintance of mine once said: ‘Better the devil that you know than the one you don’t know’, meaning a kind of ‘at least we know that devil, we know what he can do, there’s one anywhere’.
When we are afraid that we are not good enough, that we will not find another job, we prefer to stay with a boss who is hard to bear. However, what is interesting is that this very type of manager grows fear in us about not being good enough due to their inappropriate behavior, lack of constant appreciation, and standards so high that are impossible to achieve. This type of manager confirms our internal speeches of diminishing our own person.
Unfortunately, many people get into the habit of constantly complaining about their misfortune, the boss who is aggressive, narcissistic, perfectionist, always unhappy, too often upside down, or God knows how. You sometimes wonder if they have something to gain from being a victim of the manager’s toxicity: that of being the center of attention of others.
But let’s see some manifestations of the toxic manager:
They change their condition too often and easily
They are constantly taciturn or, on the contrary, no one but them has room to express their opinion.
Practice the famous ‘divide et impera’ (divide and rule)
They are always keeping an eye on you, ready to catch you on the wrong foot
Their words are like swords, cutting relationships, instead of building them
They only gives you negative feedback
They write to you very often at 1 AM and expects you to answer them; moreover, they are upset if you don’t and you will even witness repercussions
They swear at those around them and use totally inappropriate language for the professional environment or a healthy interpersonal relationship.
Some can become physically violent
Demonstrates zero degrees of empathy
They always interrupt you with ‘yes, but…’ and they continue your sentences, constantly putting you in an uncomfortable situation.
They don’t get along with anyone
They ask for opinions, but if they are not similar to theirs, if the feedback is not good, you risk being removed
They behave badly with those who are not in similar positions with them
What can we do:
Leave
Become aware of the trap we are in
Ask for help (friends, HR, family)
Find a mentor, a coach, to help us get out of the vicious circle and make a plan to recover our own being
Look for something else
Ask ourselves: for what amount of money is it worth supporting all this? What if I stayed in the same type of relationship with a toxic boss for another 5 years?
Let’s not forget that saying, ‘It takes two to tango.’ Do I want to keep dancing?
That being said, not all bosses are toxic, not all managers are bad, aggressive, it’s good to be always suspicious and not trust anyone.
It is far from an exhaustive list. I would like to know what ideas you have to get out of such situations.”
via: Thrive Global
