“In the spirit of authenticity, I expect to be accepted as I am, without having to change for anyone,” someone told me recently. This wasn’t from around here, but from another country; any resemblance to our Carpathian-Danubian reality is purely coincidental.
I took a deep breath and asked how they defined authenticity. This idea of being accepted just as we are makes me pause.
I understand diversity in opinions, gender, race, religion, culture—everything. I understand that we make choices based on what feels right, what we enjoy, and what we need for the medium and long term.
At the same time, I think it’s worth considering a few points:
- We live together with others; each of us brings our expectations, experiences, needs, fears, and hopes into any relationship, regardless of its nature.
- It’s good to find our place among others in a way that respects everyone’s freedom while still allowing us to express ourselves.
- Any effort to adapt to a situation, context, person, or social group is not just welcome but often necessary.
Think about how we adapt when we enter a new culture: we know that in some countries, a man doesn’t shake hands with a woman who isn’t part of his close circle; in other places, we take off our shoes at the door; elsewhere, we eat with our hands instead of using a fork; in another culture, belching at the table is acceptable. We don’t get horrified—we learn about other people’s customs and accept that others might live differently from us.
Oh, and one more thing: the only person who might accept us as we are, unconditionally, is our mother.
When we claim authenticity and blurt out every thought without filtering, without considering for a few seconds whether we might be attacking or harming others, we’re actually hiding rudeness and lack of manners behind the mask of authenticity. Just as, many times, we hide aggression under the guise of assertiveness. But that’s another topic altogether
