‘Let me give you a hand!’, a friend of mine used to say whenever we met and I carried a backpack full of laptop, books, notebooks, papers. ‘No, I can do it myself,’ I told him. ‘I know you can, that’s not the point. It is my pleasure to help you. Let a person help you when they offer it, learn to accept it because, if they offer to help you, then they really want to’

It was so heart-warming, his gaze, his tone was so sincere that I accepted from then on to be helped from time to time. Gabi is one of the kindest people in the world. For me he is the definition of a gentle man; I see him twice a year and I am amazed that nothing has made him bitter.

I am grateful that I met this kind of people. I have a few people like this around. I also tried to do the same as them. However, I am confused when I offer my help and I am constantly turned down.

I do not know, do people think that it will bother me (even if I offered), or that I say it just for the sake of it (why would you risk receiving a Yes, if you do not want to help?), or that I think that they cannot handle it (my past model) or, maybe, that they will be in debt to me?

A long time ago, when I did not have a car, and I would wait in the cold for the trolleybus or sweat in the summer in a tram, I told myself that I will not let anyone go through this when I get a car. This is a trivial example of help, the same as the one with the backpack. But I do not know, our pride, the need to maintain an image, or never be in debt to anyone, prevents us from accepting a form of support.

Maybe it is city related, the fast individualization, the disintegration of the idea of community. When I was little, in the neighbourhood where I lived, people would help one other and it seemed normal to do so. More than that, it was common sense to give something to someone else, to act kindly, because in turn they did the same.

I am thinking now: in what kind of society do we want to live? One where people support each other or one that is individualistic and hyper-competitive? I think I would like the first one; I do not think that long term we will live a beautiful life, rich in memories, only by ourselves.

 

 

Georgeta Dendrino