I don’t know about others but I have a conflicted relationship with December.
I enjoy it but also think about it with some trepidation. It has always been this way, since I was a child, because there have been many unpleasant events then and later in the many years of my life. I still hope sometimes that I will heal from the contradiction and embrace this month, enjoy it fully.

But here’s what I love about December:

I love the holidays because they come with many gifts that I give to those around me. I like to think of each one, buy something special, give them something special. For me, it means special time given to a person and mental space for that person: what they’d like, what their passions, concerns are, what would surprise them. Last year, I got gifts I didn’t give because those people fell off the radar. That’s how it happened, some people come into our lives for a short time, leave, maybe reappear years later.

There’s a joyousness that’s contagious in the world: music in all the shops, the festive spirit in many of the advertisements, the lights on the streets, all of it adding colour, adorning the days of December with musical orbs, with exciting tinsel.

People seem to be more cheerful, more benevolent, more tolerant, they seem to be more attentive to what a good, beautiful life means, in which they allow themselves to indulge themselves for a few days.

The smell of Christmas cakes and holiday food, which I can feel the smell on the staircase of my apartment building, awakens my emotional memory, or rather the memory of a child who always wanted holidays like in the movies, really happy ones.

The business world stops for a few days. Between Christmas and 2-3 January I get far fewer emails, I can sit back and relax, at the same time as almost the whole planet. It’s the only time of year when people in business go on standby.

The capitals of the world are wonderful, they make you feel like you’re in an enchanting, seductive fairy tale.

And yet:

It’s happened more than once that before Christmas or just after I get bad news. Somehow, there are people who choose their moments very badly.

The holidays can come with some melancholy for lonely people. It’s a time when people care more about their family, when they disconnect. If you happen to not have a family, it takes great strength to get through these days. It’s not for nothing that they say the holidays are the time when most people commit suicide. I have gone through such difficult moments, I avoided them for many years by running away to other countries, worrying about discovering other places. It was a coping mechanism. It’s not difficult now, but something has remained in my memory, like a trail of heavy perfume left behind by someone.

The smell of cozonac and food can be good but it puts a mirror up to lonely people, where no one else is. But, of course, we can just glance at the mirror in passing, out of the corner of our eye, then move on.

All the hustle and bustle can be exhausting, I sometimes wonder why we have to desperately buy everything we find on the shelves, give the last penny to whatever is on sale online.

After wandering through several stores, you start to can’t stand Santa’s music. Santa’s radio I won’t mention, I avoid it on purpose. I don’t dislike it, but anything in excess becomes boring.

The year ends, we finish some projects, we make hopes, illusions, plans, we set intentions, we reconnect with ourselves and with others, we think about our loved ones who have passed away, we imagine a better world. I hope that the euphoria will continue after January 3, that we will recharge our batteries with the good part of December’s energy and that it will last at least until the summer holidays.
Best of luck!

Georgeta Dendrino